


Where you at Stannis?

by Kbailey1771



Series: A Baratheon Life [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 06:48:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8522746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kbailey1771/pseuds/Kbailey1771
Summary: As always, Robert and Renly are the last to know. A merry little texting drabble.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was done in order to avoid thinking about the election.

**Tuesday, October 18th**

_6:52pm_ Robert: Have u heard from Stannis ?

 

 _6:54pm_ Renly: No? I thought you had?

 

 _6:55pm_ Robert: Do u not remember the breakdown he had in my office??

 

 _6:58pm_ Renly: Can you stop only using "u" shorthand? Like either fully commit to it or don't at all

 _7:00pm_ Renly: And I wouldn't necessarily call it a breakdown. Maybe just a change of heart? Or a mid-life crisis?

 

 _7:08pm_ Robert: Brother, he walked into my office, and very calmly told me he was turning in his letter of resignation and taking his holidays at the same time. Then he calmly walked out of my office and didn't even shut the door behind him! Normally he closes it as a reminder I should be working. 

 _7:10pm_ Robert: That's the most un-Stannis thing ever.

 _7:11pm_ Robert: And no, I'll do what I want

 

 _7:15pm_ Renly: Alright, that is pretty weird. I don't know what to tell you. Talk to Shireen? She does hang out with Myrcella regularly?

 

 _7:17pm_ Robert: Normally yes, but Myrcella already said she's off with her boyfriend's family for the next month and attending some wedding

 

 _7:20pm_ Renly: Shireen has a boyfriend?? Little Shireen?? Maybe that's why Stannis is having a mid-life crisis? He's alone while Shireen and his weirdo ex-wife has someone?

 

 _7:25pm_ Robert: I don't know, Cella said it's been going on a while and Stannis has been cool about it. Surprisingly enough. I'm not that desperate to know though, getting gossip from my daughter always comes at a price. There's too much Lannister in her. 

 

 _7:27pm_ Renly: Still bitter about the last time?

 

 _7:30pm_ Robert: Getting information from her cost me almost as much as divorcing Cersi

 

 _7:31pm_ Renly: Ouch

* * *

 

**Wednesday, October 19th**

_11:00am_ Cella: My dad and our uncle are looking for you and Uncle Stanny

 

 _11:15am_ RiRi: Well, good luck with that. Dad's off back-packing through Vietnam or whatever and I'm not leaving Winterfell until he's back

 _11:16am_ RiRi: BTW have you changed my name in your phone back??

 

 _11:20am_ Cella: Your dad is in Vietnam? I thought he never left the country. 

 _11:21am_ Cella: And hell no, if you didn't want the name change you shouldn't of gotten drunk at karaoke night and sang all the Rihanna songs they had

 

 _11:25am_ RiRi: That's where Sansa wanted to go for their honeymoon

 _11:30am_ RiRi: And how else would I have serenaded my man? Rihanna is an icon, you Taylor Swift Groupie.

 

 _11:35am_ Cella: Your dad's got himself an adventurous one

 _11:36am_ Cella: And gross, Theon was such a manwhore, I don't know how you let that dick near your sensible areas

 

 _11:40am_ RiRi: 1) please, let's not discuss my dad, and his wife, and the word adventurous in the same sentence; 2) I'm still nauseated from watching them at the wedding; and 3) Theon is amazing, all he needed was someone to whip him into shape

 

 _11:42am_ Cella: Yeah, I'm sure he needed to be whipped into shape all right. 

 _11:44am_ Cella: True about the aunt and uncle though, Sansa is like only 7 years older than us. How weird is it gonna be for her to be like a major adult in the family?

 

 _11:48am_ RiRi: Can we please not talk about it?

 

 _12:00pm_ Cella: Fine, fine

 _12:02pm_ Cella: Anyways, pass along the message that both of the bros are finally starting to notice that Uncle Stanny is actually not around

 

 _12:04pm_ Cella: And get a better man while you're at it, someone more respectable

 

 _12:06pm_ RiRi: Myrcella, I'm hurt

 

 _12:08pm_ Cella: Hi Theon, I'm sure you'll survive

* * *

**Wednesday, October 19th**

_2:16pm_ Myrcella: I have information

 

 _2:35pm_ Dad: Sorry for the delay, I needed the family lawyer present. What's your price?

 _2:37pm_ Dad:I'm not being naive about this like last time. It's a full-on negotiation. 

 

 _2:40pm_ Myrcella: Hi Uncle Tyrion!

 _2:41pm_ Myrcella: I'm getting my belly button pierced and you're the one telling mom I did it.

 

 _2:43pm_  Dad: Are you trying to get me killed?

 _2:45pm_ Dad: Even Tyrion is advising against it.

 

 _2:50pm_ Myrcella: I'm not saying you do it in person. Probably it'd be best to hide out in the Stormlands before you communicate it to her.

 

 _2:55pm_ Dad:Alright, reasonable enough...What else?

 

 _3:00pm_ Myrcella:I want to spend the summer with Trystane in Dorne. I also want the family jet for the summer. 

 _3:30pm_ Myrcella: My information is so good it'll be worth you having to deal with mom the harpy and using the back-up plane!

 

 _3:35pm_ Dad: You're very lucky that you're over the age of 18 or this would be a whole new custody battle.

 

 _3:45pm_ Myrcella: Uncle Stanny got married and is currently on his honeymoon in Vietnam.

 

 _3:50pm_ Dad: I knew there was a good reason that you're my favorite of the 20 kids

 

 _3:52pm_ Myrcella: Aw, thanks dad <3

* * *

**Wednesday, October 19th**

_12:30pm_ Shireen: Hey Dad! Hope you and Sansa are enjoying Vietnam! Just wanted to let you know that Uncle Renly and Robert found out that you're married. Bring me back a sibling!

 _12:32pm_ Shireen: P.S. Cella invited me to Dorne for the summer with Theon and Trystane! 

* * *

**Thursday, November 20th**

_4:00pm_ Robert: STANNIS HAS BEEN LOCATED

 

 _4:03pm_ Renly: Is he okay? Where did you find him?

 

 _4:05pm_ Robert: YOU WOULD NEVER BELIEVE WHERE!!

 

 _4:07pm_ Renly: Is he alive? Is he dead? Maybe more information and details would be nice?

 

 _4:09pm_ Robert: He's gotten married and travelled to Vietnam!

 

 _4:11pm_ Renly: Really?? Go Stannis!! That mid-life crisis was good for something!

 _4:13pm_ Renly: Who do you think he married?

 

 _4:15pm_ Robert:I don't know but I'm going to find out

 

 _4:17pm_ Renly: Why do I feel like this is going to end badly?

 

 _4:20pm_ Robert: Because it always does

 

 _4:21pm_ Renly: True

* * *

 

**Thursday, October 27th**

_12:05am_ Dad: Hello Daughter, was it really necessary to tell them? Couldn't Myrcella have bargained for the Dorne vacation another way? Alos, why couldn't they find out like everyone else not invited to the wedding, through a Facebook album? Anyways, you know how babies are made but Sansa and I will certainly be trying very hard to make sure you have a sibling.

 _12:10am_ Dad: Sansa says the end of the last message was nightmare inducing for you and I should apologize, she also sends her love. We will see you in two weeks. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
